The Veil of Pain

I guess everyone’s got to have their 1st blog ever! Partly I’ve been avoiding THE BLOG to annoy Jerry. :) But the real reason; it’s difficult to share the written word… it’s way easier for me to chat on-air. I’ve always journaled my deepest thoughts and feelings to the Lord! It’s like letting you read my journal. I don’t even let my hubby, Trey, do that. Plus, I don’t want to be depressing. But if I’m gonna blog, I’m gonna be myself.

The “joy of the Lord” is literally my strength from one moment to the next. I see the world, my job, my family and my friends through a thick veil of physical pain.

                  
And I’m not alone. A recent report * shows that more than 1.5 billion people worldwide suffer from chronic pain. That breaks down into the major categories of migraines, low back pain, cancer pain, arthritis pain and neurogenic pain. That last one… neurogenic pain is where I live. It’s pain resulting from damage to the peripheral and/or central nervous system.

Best the docs (and there have been a lot of docs) can tell, it’s a genetic disorder that came to the surface after I had four surgeries back-to-back. For the past year, this nerve damage has decided to settle in my face… It’s called Trigeminal Neuralgia… or how about it’s nickname, “the suicide disease.” The pain from this disorder is so horrific that, well, it explains itself.

There is no cure… only procedures and pills and prayer. I’m praying for remission or healing of the nerve.

“But you sound so happy on the radio, and you look good,” a lot of people say. I am joyful. Not very happy. There is a HUGE difference. I desperately want my life back. More difficult than the physical pain, has been the emotional pain of not being understood. I have to say ‘no’ to so many things. And a GREAT day is when I am able to get dressed, put on make-up, fix my hair and still be in good enough condition to leave the house with a smile after all that hard labor. That’s why you will see me in a hat and sunglasses with no make-up most of the time. I come “as is” a lot! :)

While I wait for healing or remission, I am learning so much about “His presence in times of trouble.” Psalm 46:1. James 1:2-4 has become extremely real to me. “Count it ALL joy when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”


Sheila and I were “pain buddies.” I hated every minute that she suffered. I wanted to take it away. But since I couldn’t, we just talked through bad days together. And laughed a lot. As Jerry Williams said at her memorial and in a recent blog, I have been left waving goodbye to her from the driveway. I am so thankful that she doesn’t hurt anymore… but that leaves me taking applications for new “pain buddies.” I know you’re out there. I know you feel alone. But you are not.

Let’s start encouraging each other and building each other up. Responding to this blog… that’s a perfect place to start.

And when you see me at an indoor event with sunglasses on, I’m not trying to be a “superstar.” I’m simply living behind my veil of pain along with 1.5 billion others.


 *Report from Global Industry Analysts, January 2011